Yet another one of those people who never listen. They always do at the beginning. Or they pretend to. And then eventually your words fall on deaf ears and you're back to square one.

I can't believe I actually downloaded Texas Hold Em' into my DS. Bloodyhell.
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Blogger listens and doesn't offer witty comebacks and half-hearted consolations.

Which is about as good as a hard 10minute run that winded my lungs real good and slapped me hard in the face with that cruel Swarovski-studded glove. I like how when my mind plays tricks my body forces itself to run harder, even when I know my legs and that nasty stitch in my side is about to burst at the seams and splatter YinGuts all over the pavement.

There wasn't so much smoke and smog, quite a feat since my running route takes me past one of the busiest roads on this forsaken island. Not much traffic, no random construction workers ogling at my cellulite bits and leering at my haggard face. Yeah, they've bad taste to ogle at someone who looks three times her age without make-up.

One final note, I hate being this idiotic git who feels sorry for people even though I know it's their damn fault they landed themselves in their mess. Damnit.
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The worst feeling is knowing you could have done better had you played less, paid more attention and made sure your goals were right in front of you all the way. I got lost so many times and trekking back to the start is so tedious that it drives me to tears. Literally. All these thoughts of jumping ship and going back to school.

Do I want to study abroad? Do I want to do my Masters? Should I just get another Bachelors inGodKnowsWhat or just fuck it all and stay where I am, the bubble of self-delusion and never move.

The world tells me to find a rich husband and just sit back and relax. I don't think I could ever be a tai-tai. I need things to do, to fill my time and occupy my brain else it reverts to this - browsing through old entries and feeling so silly and stupid, not in the hilarious way but in a more depressed why-the-fuck-did-I-do-that kinda way.

How can you ever forget memories or time spent with a person. Like a mental block. Ok wait, you can. I'm quite the queen. But what if that person symbolized something more than just your average run of the mill acquaintance? What if that person's been thinking of you but hiding it underneath a veil of delusion and... and what's that word. Is there a tense for placate? Ok let's just put it this way that they want you to think you're not on their minds but you are. How bout that?

I hate how the head feeds the heart drama.
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Qaurter-life crisis. Laugh at will, you'll soon realize you're discontent and unsatisfied with what you're doing. Like in an earlier episode, we just want moremoremore. You never truly know when it ends. Just as you've got yourself the IT bag of this season, the fashion conglomerates give birth to another and it's another race to join the ranks of the elites.

All identical and similar. Sometimes being middle-class ain't really that bad.

Had an interesting conversation with an ex-schoolmate, swapping stories on Generation MuchYoungerThanUs and wondering just where in the world did they get such disposable income. It's nice to be the offspring of some textile tycoon living in Upper Bukit Timah. Your life is pretty much cemented and you'll never truly have to live your life working to pay off rent, your car installment and hell even your petrol. Your money = shopping = Gucci, Coach, Nine West etc.

It's the quarter-life crisis. Knowing you can be more, wanting to do more, wanting to put that paper that cost you 40Grand to good use. It's all wasted if you're only using 5% of your true potential and if you're doing nothing more than typing out poorly-written copy (not written by you) and forced to plaster on a Barbie-smile on your face and pretend you're all gummychummy with people you barely know but are forced to address them by their first names nonetheless. The reverse; of using their last names with the Mister/Miss/Madam prefix when the world's turned away and they're all snarky and gnarled and vicious.

Sorry this entry doesn't make sense. It's what the afternoon sun does to me. Sleepy, drowsy and cranky as hell.
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It's too hard to explain how Gundam 00 has managed to mindfuck me. You have no idea the number of typoes in that sentence alone. Let's recap shall we?

1. Setsuna & Lasse VS Alejandro in nice gold shiny robot.
Lasse sacrifices himself because he's no Meister and that amount of blood for a non-Meister is suicide. C'mon look at Lockon after Patrick nearly rapes (yes, deliberate) his arm and head apart. So yes somehow they manage to 'defeat' it and just then Alejandro comes out in the Gundam version of the shiny gold thing and duels Exia. KlingKlangKlong and Setsuna kicks his butt but! By the way, Livonse is more bad ass and tells Alejandro he's ust big talk and no action and now he (Livonse) is going to be the one taking over the world. Hmm.

2. Graham (Cracker) in modified GN Flag.
He comes and swoops in and says that oh he's been waiting a long time for the Gundam and spouts some rubbish about love which had me cracking up at Setsuna's expression. "Love?!?!" Yes, at this point towards the end of their battle they tear each other's units apart and all that's left are half bodies and decapitated (Gundam) heads and yeah. Big mighty explosion. Think Setsuna's dead? I don't know.

3. Allelujah/Hallelujah VS Soma Pelis & Colonel (I forgot his name).
Hallelujah/Allelujah is a fusion of reflex and quick-thinking and hence, pwnage against Soma who's clearly deluded and thinks she's the super soldier. NOT! Just as the psycho duo is about to deliver the fatal blow, Colonel rushes in to save Soma and gets injured and she blasts into (an already half-disintegrating) Kyrios and that leaves Allelujah gripping his blooded eye and Hallelujah saying goodbye. Oh yeah, he finds out Soma is Mary (omg, of all names. srsly) and is all OMGWHYYYYY and Hallelujah tells him if he knew, he wouldn't have the guts to fight. True.

4. Tieria wakes up.
And then releases the solar furnace that's been equipped with Virtue/Nadleeh and says that now he can join Lockon Stratos. Uhm... ok.

Ending we hear Setsuna's voice reading a letter he left Marina Ismail. All is sad in the world, she cries and yeah.

Fast forward 4 years into the future.

5.
Saji graduates and is now working in space. We see Louise with Tieria (with really bad hair) and Ali is still alive, though an alcoholic now. Graham wears a phantom of the opera mask (does this mean Setsuna could be alive?) and Marina's 'help' leaves her and goes on vacation. I kid, but she does leave the queen. Also, all countries are united under the Federation and everyone wears really ugly outfits.

6.
Ian has finished Gundam 0. It is presumed that Nena Trinit (stupidfuckingbitch) will pilot it and whilst they salvaged Exia's solar furnace (or maybe Setsuna's dead), they're unsure if it'll work. Also, Livonse has his own superpowerpop band and will probably take over the world through happy harem-boy music. Hurhur.

The point is, if the world has already been unified, is there a need to create more Gundams and for Celestial Being to continue in existence. Unless, with Livonse in the seat of possible baddie for Season 2, he's amassed his own super army of Veda-linking bisshies who kicks Federation butt and they'll eventually need the superiority of Celestial Being and their Gundams.

Which then again wouldn't make sense because at the very least the Federation army would outnumber Livonse since Celestial Being seems pretty much crippled. In terms of Meisters and firepower and weapon in general.

I don't know. Speculation. We'll wait for Season 2. I still feel cheated. The only thing that's saving me from smashing things to fragile tiny bits is D Gray Man.

*

I had an awesome day today, despite work and feeling as big as a whale. ♥Trex bought me a clutch which I shall put to good use tomorrow and we had Saba fish for dinner (amongst many other sushi things). Loves. Monday repeats the cycle of another blastedfucking week at work. But since there's a Darker Than Back OVA waiting to be subbed and D Gray Man and more ♥Trex, I'll survive.

Labels: gundam 00

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When you're young, you dress up to look older. You want to be older. Perhaps you even count the days to your whichever birthday and secretly gloat over the fact that you're a year older than some of your peers. Make believe that you're mature and all grown-up.

Then when you're older you dress younger, you want to be younger. You want to be asked for you ID when you buy cigarettes. You don't want the fine lines and wrinkles and the graying hair. The aches in the joints and that breathlessness from running after the bus.

Never happy with what we have, always wanting and desiring more.

I was looking at the people who were queueing up to catch the Taiwanese star's showcase. I was there for work, nothing more. Girls, whom I would bet my last 5 dollars, who were probably 15 or 16, in their short skirts and high heels and branded bags and made-up faces pretending to be all grown up. Perhaps, in that tiny sliver of hope, he might glance their way and fall (miraculously really) in love with them.

"Oh that you're my one true love!"

Right. Nonsense. But yeah. I guess that's why parents still treat their kids as kids eventhough they may be old and working their own allowance. Like my parents. That they can't seem to accept the fact that I'm 23 and not 13 anymore. I've outgrown my high school uniform and I'm wearing heels and slathering on war paint (read: make-up) and I head out at 8:45 in the morning only to come home close to the dead of the night. I can identify with my parents, sometimes when I'm home during the weekend or when I'm on MC, the house feels so lonely without their presence. You tend to take the nagging and the noises for granted. When everything's gone quiet, you realize just how much they made you feel at home and familiar.

I don't wanna grow up. But I have, and even if I haven't, I have to. Not because I want to. Because time doesn't still, my parents still age and if I don't wake up my idea, how am I supposed to look after them when they can't work anymore? The responsibility of the child; to look after the parents as they (parents, that is) had looked after them. From infancy till adulthood.

I worry about growing old. Not for me. For my parents. I worry unnecessarily. I can't help it. Reality freaks me out.

Labels: thoughts

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A layout in progress. Inspired by copious amounts of D Gray Man and icon sites. I'm still waiting for Gundam 00 Episode 25 to come out.

How often do you find yourself plagued by worst-case scenarios in your head? I find myself creating imaginary flashbacks of a past that I have a vague hold of. A somewhat perverse human inclination of creating a story out of the fragments of truth that we know of. What does it leave me with in return? Retreat into a shell cloistered and haunted by things that could very well not have existed in the first place.

Things don't really make sense when you think harder (and longer) about it. In the meantime I'll trouble myself with trivial, frivolous thoughts and decisions. Like, should I sell off my current consumer camera to my brother and get myself the Pentax that's on offer? Choices and decisions in life. You think twice about spending money that you earned through 9 to 6 slavery but never a glimmer of doubt when you're still in the throes of school and adolescence.

I wonder if the teenagers realize how fucked they're gonna be once they graduate and enter the working world. How much longer can you expect to rely and depend on your parents to support you financially? Do you actually think working part-time as a sales associate is going to earn you enough to support yourself once they're gone?

Think again.
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The Rakes at Zouk tonight. Are you ready for them?

I'm not. Images of creamy seafood pasta, topped with chilli padi and tabasco sauce, floating right in front of me. Growling bellies could be a reason why the brain throbs so badly. Or maybe the irregular weather fluctuations that could be driving my system nuts.

It's Thursday, did you know that? As I sit here and realize that if you blink fast enough it's like seeing the world through a coloured yet old film. Or it's Be Kind, Rewind stuck in my head.
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Truth be told, I'd want to post up shots here but my trigger finger hasn't be happy. Food for thought for today.

Perhaps herbal remedies work better than over-the-counter chemical solutions. Although my fingers now reek of some foul-tasting herb that may have never seen the light of day in order to process its 'herbic' qualities. Yech. But the migraine's easing off. Apparently, it's all got to do to the liver.

Which brings the question of, what exactly have I been doing to it?

Mind you, I am not a mindless alcholic guzzling oil snorting pig.
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There was one point in time where I vowed to swear off caffeinated products. This means no coffee and definitely, no more Coke. Friends know how much of a sucker I am for Coke. Vanilla Coke especially. They've seen how the sugary high affect me and are quite honestly, occasionally, fearful. But it's toned down since I've reduced my intake. Point is, I could never swear off such a staple in my life. Caffeine is what defines me, makes me feel - human.

Current favourite would be 'Kopi Alley'. This quaintly cute little outlet at iCon (which is behind Amara Hotel) that sells one of the nicest coffee for a dollar. They've got steamed bread too, which islike eating pau sans the thick hide and bean/meat filling. You slather butter and kaya over it and dip it in your mouth. Moist, but not really my thing. Then again, bread isn't really my thing.

I need one cup in the morning, another after lunch and the final one like an hour or so before we all clock off work. Yes I know in excess it's terribly unhealthy and that I ought to substitute it with fruits or juice or better (and healthier) yet, water. I suppose my system has been conditioned to function only when I've pumped caffeine into me. Else, my brain decides to go all computer-like and goes into standby/hibernation mode.

Not cool.


I'm waiting for the final installation to Gundam 00. It's one riveting anime that's driven me to tears, break out in hysterical laughter and smile for no apparent reason. Yes, they aren't real. They're 2-dimensional and don't exist in the real world. But you'll always find yourself identifying with one character or so. Then again when you think about it, real or reel, we're not all that different from each other.
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