When you're young, you dress up to look older. You want to be older. Perhaps you even count the days to your whichever birthday and secretly gloat over the fact that you're a year older than some of your peers. Make believe that you're mature and all grown-up.

Then when you're older you dress younger, you want to be younger. You want to be asked for you ID when you buy cigarettes. You don't want the fine lines and wrinkles and the graying hair. The aches in the joints and that breathlessness from running after the bus.

Never happy with what we have, always wanting and desiring more.

I was looking at the people who were queueing up to catch the Taiwanese star's showcase. I was there for work, nothing more. Girls, whom I would bet my last 5 dollars, who were probably 15 or 16, in their short skirts and high heels and branded bags and made-up faces pretending to be all grown up. Perhaps, in that tiny sliver of hope, he might glance their way and fall (miraculously really) in love with them.

"Oh that you're my one true love!"

Right. Nonsense. But yeah. I guess that's why parents still treat their kids as kids eventhough they may be old and working their own allowance. Like my parents. That they can't seem to accept the fact that I'm 23 and not 13 anymore. I've outgrown my high school uniform and I'm wearing heels and slathering on war paint (read: make-up) and I head out at 8:45 in the morning only to come home close to the dead of the night. I can identify with my parents, sometimes when I'm home during the weekend or when I'm on MC, the house feels so lonely without their presence. You tend to take the nagging and the noises for granted. When everything's gone quiet, you realize just how much they made you feel at home and familiar.

I don't wanna grow up. But I have, and even if I haven't, I have to. Not because I want to. Because time doesn't still, my parents still age and if I don't wake up my idea, how am I supposed to look after them when they can't work anymore? The responsibility of the child; to look after the parents as they (parents, that is) had looked after them. From infancy till adulthood.

I worry about growing old. Not for me. For my parents. I worry unnecessarily. I can't help it. Reality freaks me out.

Labels: thoughts