The worst feeling is knowing you could have done better had you played less, paid more attention and made sure your goals were right in front of you all the way. I got lost so many times and trekking back to the start is so tedious that it drives me to tears. Literally. All these thoughts of jumping ship and going back to school.

Do I want to study abroad? Do I want to do my Masters? Should I just get another Bachelors inGodKnowsWhat or just fuck it all and stay where I am, the bubble of self-delusion and never move.

The world tells me to find a rich husband and just sit back and relax. I don't think I could ever be a tai-tai. I need things to do, to fill my time and occupy my brain else it reverts to this - browsing through old entries and feeling so silly and stupid, not in the hilarious way but in a more depressed why-the-fuck-did-I-do-that kinda way.

How can you ever forget memories or time spent with a person. Like a mental block. Ok wait, you can. I'm quite the queen. But what if that person symbolized something more than just your average run of the mill acquaintance? What if that person's been thinking of you but hiding it underneath a veil of delusion and... and what's that word. Is there a tense for placate? Ok let's just put it this way that they want you to think you're not on their minds but you are. How bout that?

I hate how the head feeds the heart drama.