the new site is down, might be cause of the rain. hurhur. it falls heavy and my sentiments go with it. heavy that is. don't understand why this week's been particularly miserable. could be that my period's coming and hence, cue in volatile moodswings and black faces at the end of each work day. i'm sorry i haven't been able to spend much time with you. my fault. could have handled all these better.

it's not that i'm mentally unprepared to handle all these things. i could be trying to justify myself. i just find it utterly ridiculous and selfish that it's almost every (wo)man for him/herself mentality when we're all supposed to be working as a team. more annoyed than bitter. pushing manual labour onto me and asking me really stupid questions when they know i've got a rather pesky fly on my tail and a fair bit of things on my plate. sometimes the teasing goes a lil' too far to the point where it's getting annoying and downright irritating.

could possibly try looking at things from a different perspective. this whole aloof, detached shindig is working better than i thought. is it depressing to find myself yearning to go home just so that i can play with the macbook coupled with endless rounds of solitaire and binging on junk food whilst watching anime? not leaving trex out.

sometimes it's so damn hard to juggle work, family and the relationship. i ought to give more, should be giving more and making more of an effort to make things work. but i'm being pulled in two other directions. i could possibly just tell work to fuck off but family-wise. stuck. stranded. all these silent expectations and hopes and me just failing them time and time again. i argue i want to make a name for myself, to be the daughter that they can truly be proud of. who took an unconventional route, who couldn't give a fuck about what the rest of the extended family had to say and just did my own thing. but i know the things they say about us. about my siblings. about me. i know how they affect my parents. how it makes them feel as if our upbringing was a failure and that they, are failures.

it pains me. who could possibly understand this? trying to make light of things. i don't want answers. i don't need them. i don't need solutions. i just need... to be understood, to be supported and motivated and encouraged. why am i the only one who has to give a fuck when everyone else is just slamming us all down?

i'm not making sense.

i'm just streeeeessssssseeddddd outttt!!! and i want to like. play battlefield 2 and go on a killing rampage and mow people down with a tank and shite like that. so how?

Labels: cranky, stressed, tired, work

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random moments in the office bring smiles and laughter.

meeting in the office tomorrow morning during lunch and L is taking in orders from subway. C asks D (who is our tech guru where conversation trackers are concerned) to create a VOC to help with the orders. next thing you know in a couple of minutes, D invites us all back into skype and shows us his finished product.

i am very amused.

Labels: funny, work

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perhaps growing up isn't too bad.

if i had to stop right now, turn around and look back at my life; i realise there's a lot of things to be proud of and grateful for. of which, no one has any right to rob me of feeling that way towards these little bits of my life. it's like being woken up from deep slumber. a lot more motivated, a lot more pumped and energized. a good long talk over lunch quite often does that, i ought to have more of it.

i'm not leaving just yet. i'm going to fight and i'm sure as hell going to make my mark. if i don't know how, i'm gonna keep searching and hunting till i do.

Labels: thoughts, work

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crikey.

you don't know how dangerous multiply can be sometimes. next thing you know, your family members know things about you that they shouldn't. i think i'll use it more to put up reviews and photos than anything else. there's still a sorta secrecy blogging here.

life's been pretty dead as of late. my weekends got screwed over because of misunderstandings and indecisiveness. a lot of sleep lost, a lot of undue and unnecessary internal frustration and exasperation. moral of the story? just don't give a fcuk and let whoever it is just do whatever the hell they want. it really spares you the agony and all that time that would have otherwise been spent wasted lamenting over it, can be put to good use.

like cleaning up my very messy room. which reminds me that i ought to scoot home after work and just sort out the mess that's on my desk.

speaking of work, since the maintainence crew came by and cleared the air-conditioning units of dirt and stuff; the place has been freezing cold la. it sucks to be directly underneath this particular unit. with the swing it blows cold air into my already freezing cubicle and being bundled up like a jawa in the desert (starwars), is not fun. things have been just a tad bit slow on my end and making me feel as if my productivity has just been hit by an all time low.

although i guess the upside is that i'm learning a lot about online social media networks, web 2.0 and all the fancy shmancy stuff which is pretty much valuable to what i do. the sudden information overload kinda overwhelms you initially. but now thanks to the friends i've made on plurk, mister unique-frequency (most importantly) and wiki (oh that i love thee, just a lil' bit more than the boyfriend), i've been given a host of new and interesting things to read, understan and explore! there is life after facebook! i kid.

come tomorrow, it'll be 20 days till i turn 23. boyfriend's mildly panicking since i already gave him his birthday present (and his birthday isn't till july) - another guitar hero console for the wii! oh yeah and speaking of guitar hero, we played it till super late last night. which resulted in me getting in the office real late and hearing reptilia in my head from the moment i wake up right till... now.

please don't hold me back
if we're going tooooo fasttttttt
we're in a strange
part
of
town

i had a weird dream that involved me spending almost a hundred aussie dollars buying my favourite chocolates (which can only be found in zurich, ironically) and then struggling to get home to singapore by foot.

Labels: dream, life, rant, work

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things have simmered down a bit from last week. no more overtiming and waiting for people (almost) all alone in the office. all that's left is gearing for the 'party' on friday. but before that! the dreaded moment of doom - my driving practical.

no matter how much i try to psyche myself that it really is nothing, i can't live with another notch of failure on my bedpost. there's just a fair number of things at stake. pride is one of them. damn you 7 deadly sins.

i'm going to have to part with about 160dollars in cash (of which i'll only get back 100 since i owe T 20 and KT is paying my share of C's present) for a gift for the boss. uhm, what exactly do you buy for the man whose wife just gave birth to their second son? i'm clueless when it comes to such things. for all my girlyness (which isn't much), i'm tasked with such a responsibility. definitely no prams. maybe not clothes. a plushie?

too broke for any plans of a holiday getaway. so much for the government giving me money. damn but i need to be a lil' inebriated. anything to get past the week and gear me up for the weekend. he says we could go to the zoo. i want the bird park and wildwildwet too! time flies when there's so much work to be done.

i'll take pictures today. my hair doesn't look like shit anymore. it's decent, for a change. if i can, i'll squeeze in a run too. and damn, i have so much laundry to settle. if only there was a magic wand that settled all my laundry for me. grar.

Labels: life, work

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i am paid to maintain and look after a community.

i am not paid to run around the island giving out posters and taking pictures of it. nor am i paid to handle about 200plus people coming in and regurgitating the same shit and having to stay so late for stragglers who think i live for them.

but do i actually have the right to say that?

Labels: thoughts, work

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i failed myself.

it was only day 4.

i just wanna go home.

please.

i don't want to hear about how badly i screwed up.
i don't want to hear about how i'm running away from things.
i don't want to hear about how i could make things better.
i don't want to hear about facing up to things.

i don't like she who shares the same name as i do. i'm angry that i'm not included in a process that is eventually meant to be managed by me. but someone said that shit like that happens so i have to suck it in and smile and pretend and deal with it. i really hate this. but i don't have a choice. not yet.

can't wait to get out of this hell. leen told me that the only thing holding me back are the people. well, some. maybe the benefits. but for everything else, i've got nothing to lose.

Labels: work

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forget the shit hitting the ceiling theory.

i'm taking cover. a nice bomb shelter would be amazingly nice. i just hope i'm spared the scars, shrapnel and burns. by gawd i really don't want to get involved.

my wetseal clothes are in the bag. i'm antsy and nervous bout tomorrow. i really hope things go well. mayhaps a glimmer of hope in a new land, a new industry. but we'll just wait and see how things go. gut feeling they won't want me. but who's to say i never tried eh?

how does this sound? dress, pantyhose/leggings, peeptoe heels. i should channel preppy eclectic but i'm nowhere there.

Labels: life, vanity, work

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i think i score pretty well on acting cool when a cute boy waltzes in category. haha. not that there were many. so many weird and random people coming in to collect their stuff. dissension amongst the ranks and i'm craving for some kickass fish soup. i dunno why. i think it's because ♥trex ate it the other day and the smell was tan-ta-li-zing.

slurps.

anyway. the last person has collected the bag and i'm free to go! repeat this for the next 3 days and that ends it off. i can't believe the weeks flew by so fast. my practical is next week!

Labels: work

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confucius say: when shit hit the ceiling, don't forget umbrella.

i'm determined not to mess up and make a fool of myself. again. i'm going to make everything superduperuber zai. i have this week to pull up my socks, set the standard for the weeks to come. now that everything's more or less in a rush, i'm liking things more and more. keep me busy, with the right things.

that's all i ask.

mostly people think me mad but it's a yin with an idle brain that's the worst of all.

also, skinny jeans expanded and hence is not as skinny anymore. i fear gaining in the weight department and ending up like the couple i saw at vivo. thunderously terrifying. not that i'm being mean but it's a sign. i've been slacking off on my runs for far too long. starting tomorrow, if time and everything else is permissible. i'm doing daily runs.

might drag ♥trex along. god knows we're old and huffing and puffing after a short walk at pasir ris and then waking up the following day not being able to move. yes. that bad. speaking of which, we went escape theme park where we go-karted (and i shouted 'fuck' because some asshole kept bumping into me and i would have torn him to shreds but realise i am but powerless), riding things that on a normal sane day i wouldn't because i am terrified of heights (something that spins and goes around, something like the magic carpet and the viking) and a haunted house - where we ended up looking after two kids who were dead scared.

a-yep. have a lot of things to sort out in my head really. i don't like having to face up to things that i've just kept at the back of my mind. still a tad bit emo but i'll live.

Labels: work

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That's pretty much how my right arm feels after beating people up in Bleach - Kurotsuchi Mayuri, Hanataro, Ichigo, Ishida. Then ♥Trex saw just how much fun I was having and decided to join in. Of which, I trashed him good. Forget finesse, it was all out arm-whacking/hacking/slashing.

Now I'm in pain and am super glad that the weekend is a couple (alright, many many many) hours away. Rest, relaxation and everything else. Today I'm supposed to get a pair of black/grey skinnies.

Oh god. My arm hurts like a bitch. Sat down to 'brainstorm' copy for an article in a magazine and came across shots of MOS. You know a particular room with cushy white seats and all? The first thing that came to mind was that. So yes, with that in mind, I'm tempted to drag unsuspecting fools to club and drink and party and have fun. The only sad thing is that, no one quite fits that demograph. Hence my life sucks.

Back to work. Fucking sleepy. Need coffee, not enjoying this the least bit. I get more attention from a piranha than I would from anyone else.

Labels: thoughts, work

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Or it ends with everyone else. The game is seriously confusing and I can't seem to get the sub thing to work out at all. So I hold it down and then slash or what? But the fella does nothing! That's alright. Last night was a major pig-out sesh after driving. Pasar malam food + Spongebob = superfull! But it was fun and I finished yet another level of Mario&Luigi hence, all is well.

Piping hot green tea turns lukewarm in a matter of minutes. It goes to show just how cold the office is. The temperature is 23° and below. But it really feels as if I'm in the arctic pole! Uhm yes. I'm still having horrible images burnt onto my retina but the vignette many nights ago eased a fair amount of distress. It seems that a run is in order tonight. Running eases period pains, did you know that? I'd love to just hit the road right after work but the idea of so many things to lug around and carry just turns me off.

Hence, the need to have a license, to be able to drive and toss all my things inside the car and not have to worry about shoulder pains from heavy bags.

Holyshite. The coffee KT made tastes like... uhm. Better not say. 16°! No wonder my fingers were frozen! We're all gonna be the cause of global warming man... Payday tomorrow yay!

Labels: life, thoughts, work

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This afternoon it was wild, the rain that is. So much water that no one dared to brave the weather to get a cup of coffee. Air-conditioning units were turned off because people were freezing (oh gee like finally). Me? I took a nap and then woke up after the showers for a chocolate bar and (shittycraptasting) coffee before settling down to (try) complete a presentation for the design competition.

All the while I have been tempted by numerous offers. But I remain steadfast, I will not cave in. Yet. The page says that there's still an hour and 21 minutes to go. People'll be leaving the office in about an hour's time, prolly leaving me to pack everything and lock the doors and leave. All for someone. Hmpf.

It's pretty bad when I'm actually dreaming about a nice bottle of Corona or Heineken or a glass of wine. Ok, more of the wine. FashionBar tomorrow night but my date still hasn't confirmed. This is really bad because there'll be someone there whom I don't fancy making small talk and all. It's so weird, or maybe I'll just not turn up at all. But c'mon! It's 1-for-1 for ladies. And I think I'm just about sounding like a mild-alcoholic.

Friends, enemies and whoever else who passes by;

Head down to Fashion Bar (Hed Kandi) at The Cannery
On 16 April (Wednesday)
At 10pm!

Enjoy groooooooooovy tunes from the 44Beatz crew and ladies get 1-for-1 drinks all night long!

Labels: life, party, work

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When push comes to a shove (or when you're too lazy to walk down a flight of stairs and walk to the end of the block), you make do with the pantry coffee. After all, the boss got us new beans. Avoided it a fair bit because we ran out of sugar, but now there's no excuse. Topped off with tuna sandwiches and a biscuit, I'm settled for my butt to expand in my chair till the clocks chimes 'time to go home!'.

My hair is freaking me out. No amount or type of conditioner is saving me from it being labeled a fire hazard. Yes. Split brown straggly ends. Unruly mop upon my head. I'd love to head off
to the hairdresser's but there's this thing called money that I'm not pretty loaded with. Buggers. Remind dad about my driving fees. This is where I love Google and the interwebs. So many sites to help me figure out the most flattering style for my face.

Square faces have a square jawline and hairline at the forehead. They are 'too short', so a suitable hair cut style seeks to create height elongating the face. Hair should be layered around the face to soften the jawline. Jaw and brow nearly same width. Hair should wisp around face to reduce squareness.

Rebond and a bob. Seems to be the only thing that works. Sadly.

Labels: vanity, work

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